A crisis changes a lot...sometimes even mindsets

A crisis has a certain inherent quality about it, to bring out the best in people like nothing else. Time and again, people have united into a strange familial bond when calamities have struck us. Empathy and compassion which are usually nonexistent in our normal lives suddenly reappear; revived and resurgent running in every vein. And this is exactly what we, the Chennaites, witnessed in our hour of desperation. Every safe individual in his capacity has contributed and volunteered for the relief of his fellow citizens. Class, community, religion and such barriers drowned in the rising water. Only humanity floated. How I wish this sentiment to stay with us forever, long after we swim out of our deluge. This is the apparent, larger and overwhelming scenario of our calamity.

But unwittingly, this crisis gave me perspective on some smaller yet significant aspects of our day to day life. We Indians are spoilt by the relatively easy and cheap availability of domestic staff. It was only in their absence, that I realized the foibles of middle and upper middle class lifestyle and upbringing. While we wholly understood the staff’s catastrophic situation and leave, it meant that we were doing our own chores otherwise done by them. Doing these odd tidbits around the house, I realized that the biggest folly of our upbringing is that we believe with conviction that it is someone else’s responsibility to pick up after me.

 

A few instances will make it clear to you too. While I was loading the washing machine for the past couple of days, I found that several clothes would be inside out. The person loading the machine must then turn over other’s damp, dirty and sweaty clothes and if that’s dislikeable how about flipping over those sweaty and soiled socks as well. It’s not a very enjoyable task. Thinking about it, does it take any longer to take off the socks straight or flip over your own clothes before throwing it in the laundry bag?

Another instance that pinched me was about clearing our dishes. None of us regularly do our dishes in India, but of course in the absence of the staff we need to move our limbs more vigorously. Now there is always or mostly a small dustbin or clearing bin right next to the sink. But we are in such a haste to dump the dishes, one on top of the other, that all the leftover food just slides down, floats around in the sink and blocks the drain. And the person washing those dishes must put his hand and clean the muck. Wouldn’t it be so much cleaner and appreciated if we could just empty our plates in the dustbin and then deposit them in the sink? These things neither take effort nor time; it is just a matter of habit and a conscious consideration for others. 

   

However, the bathroom cleaning chore left no doubt about our presumed rightful dependency on others to clean our filth. Day after day, all of us were using the bathroom as usual except that there was no one cleaning it. Two days later, it resembled some bathroom of a dingy highway lodge with dirty foot marks smeared on the floor, all fallen hair scattered around on the wet floor and more hair choking the drain completely.  When I found cleaning my own mess so disgusting, I am sure the maid doesn’t find it any better.

Finally, the one thing that will be unanimously agreed is that no matter how happily our kids may follow, “time to put your toys away” at school, it is never the same at home and it goes for all ages. My toddler daughter point blank refuses to put her toys in place because she knows too well that her babysitter is readily available to do it and if not her, mommy is always there. It is a very taken for granted outlook that we live by.

However, these experiences also made me realize that it is not out of aristocracy or imperialistic tendencies that we do what we do. It is out of sheer unconscious behavioral attitude that we consider others to rightfully clean our filth from inside and outside our houses. It is a deeply ingrained belief with ancient origins turned into a vicious habit. Our silver spoon upbringing and the same that we are providing to our kids is largely responsible for our thoughtlessness. I am of course not advocating doing away of domestic staff. It is neither possible nor practical. But just a tad conscious shift in our attitude can make the job much less repulsive for others who do it for us.

We are not taught to be irresponsible but where is the conscious lesson on personal responsibility as well? No wonder, “Swach Bharat Abhiyan” is still only an abhiyan (campaign) after a year and a half and will remain so for another 100 years in our country. No wonder, the nauseating Cooum’s (the hopelessly filthy river running across the Chennai city) water inundated our homes in the flood because it was chock-a- block with our very own garbage and unfortunately there’s nobody to clean that sort of scum. A mindset change that “I am responsible to clean my own mess” beginning with these small tasks at home will go a long way in changing the social and environmental face of our society.    

A TIGER’S TALE

Do animals talk? Most certainly they do, it is just that they talk with their actions rather than mouths. But shockingly, I got a written message in no unclear terms by the most majestic of all feline creatures, the Royal Bengal Tiger. Instead of spotting him, I found a gut thrashing, frustrated letter tethering unto a branch in the forests of Bandipur. I am attaching a copy as evidence.

“Dear selfish, greedy and debased human species, I am overly glad that I am not one of you. I am audacious and will do no beating around the bush. God thought he was creating you in his wondrous likeness, little did he know that he was creating Frankenstein who would rampage His entire creation itself. In his brilliance he gave you intelligence but contradictory to his vision, we the mute and lesser creatures are suffering it as acts of your demented brains.

Aren’t you ashamed of your hypocrisy in the least? Have you ever considered putting yourself in your victims’ shoes? No you wouldn’t have because you have turned into such soulless ego maniacs where the world revolves only around you. Little do you realize, that with your self-obsessive behaviour, you have robbed away any opportunity of a beautiful, healthy and balanced world from your own off springs. How would it feel if somebody just stopped by at your house and started shooting and hammering down your walls? Let me tell you, with all your wealth, intelligence and insurance policies you would still be as frightened, as anxious and as troubled as any of us are, here in the open.  And what would your reaction be if it became known that all this gunning and plundering was done for some virile amusement of the perpetrators or worse a few millions wired from one bank account to another.

This is what you have done to us, to our homes and our playgrounds. You have incessantly snatched away what little we needed, leaving us bereft of any security, any joy and our own progeny.  And all for your voracious, insatiable avarice. How do you even sleep at night after such heinous crimes? And don’t you bask in your foolish ignorance that these crimes were against some dumb animals that were created for your amusement and gluttony in the first place. No. Just to remind you of your class 5^th and 6^th lessons, we were created in perfect harmony with you so that this world thrives beautifully as much for you as for us in immaculate balance of man-animal relationship. But you have disrupted the sync to no end and taken pride. This inane arrogance of yours flabbergasts me totally. 

Yet, this was not enough for you. After felling our jungles and leaving us homeless, you very conveniently made your own star resorts in the middle of it, to escape from your pathetic rigmarole into our wilderness. Tell me something, if somebody destructs your home and builds his own there without any right or reason to do so, how would you feel and react. We felt the same agony but still reacted better than you. We showed extreme patience and let you barge deeper and deeper into our territory. But you, who are drowned in the deepest waters of narcissism and self glory, refuse to see beyond your interests and excitement. You replaced our humble rugged terrain into tar roads zipping and zooming like a race track. Your cities are crying of potholes and patched roads, which need the tar and road rollers so much more than our depraved abodes but your sadistic blindness does not let you see that or retarded intelligence does not comprehend the necessity of the tasks.

Despite this repugnant nuisance, I had a glimmer of hope in your heart and mind but it has long vanished now. You vandals, who don’t stop at red lights or zebra crossings for pedestrians in your cities, what on earth was I thinking that you wouldn’t blare your horns for a herd of deer crossing in a reserved forest. Why do you treat us with such apathy, callousness and absolute disrespect? And if so, why do you come fawning behind to catch a glimpse of us. We don’t want your vile love, care or attention. For God’s sake just leave us alone.

But let me tell you one thing, your idiocy and ignorance is such a laughing stock in our entire community. True, we weren’t created as geniuses but gee! we aren’t as dumb as you are or as you assume us to be. Imagine, some robbers come to your house, shatter it and take away everything you hold dear. What sentiments do you hold for them? Rage, rancour and bitterness. This is exactly what we hold for you. You destroy our homes yet turn up gallantly as uninvited guests and expect what, that we pose for you with our cubs in tow? We are not your obsequious slaves. Yes, I am so thrilled at the idea that you have wasted plenty of money, time and effort just to catch my vaguest glimpse. But I will not show up. None of us will. We are into deep hiding and we will not come out till you leave. Not because we are scared but because we are frustrated to our cores and we want to see that frustration on you when time and again your safaris return fruitless.

First, you set up traps to kill us then you run campaigns to conserve us. Why this mockery of our lives? No matter what you do, sooner or later we are going to be wiped away from this planet with the tumultuous breakdown of the ecosystem, for which you are single-handedly and unabashedly responsible. And don’t be naive enough to think that you will still be able to live without consequences. Grave and grim future awaits your species and kin. So revel in your shameless and mindless orgy while it lasts because a terrible curse of natural disaster is spawning to seize your world in the years to come.

I am not spewing hatred just giving you a reality check. You have done us enough wrong but we will wait for the Law of Karma to take its course of justice. Till then I wish you Happy Safari.

Exasperatedly yours,

Royal Bengal Tiger"

A-Lone Heart's Ramble

Sometimes you are so lonely in life that even tears refuse to come out for the fear that there is nobody to wipe them. Such loneliness pricks your heart with agonizing pain. Crestfallenness, dejection and a numbing emptiness surround you in a dungeon, out of which you unsuccessfully clamber to come out. All of us have such days which make us question our very existence. You wonder if anybody really gives a damn about you and your feelings. You work to fit in all your mortal roles as well as possible, trying to please everybody and not to displease anybody. But at the end of the day, you find your whole being writhing in misery because the ones who really matter to you don’t seem to care less. Such moments push you to an abyss so low and frightful that you now sob like a child who has lost his parents somewhere and doesn’t know what else to do.

I shall safely assume that most of us experience these emotions at some point and it needs a huge vent to come to terms with it. When you begin to doubt the validity of your own acts, you have considerably lost your confidence and questioning your purpose in others’ lives implies your utter anxiety and desperation.  The worst is when you smilingly live through the day while your heart and mind ache and grope in some remote darkness and the other doesn’t see it or chooses to ignore. Relationships aren’t easy was told to you but it could be so challenging was unexpected. In my sheer frustration, I ask the Lord, why did you make us so terribly different especially men and women that we comprehend and interpret every damn thing in a different colour. 

What I write here is not a complaint or a tirade; it is probably just a vent, a catharsis. An attempt to make our emotions more relatable with each other’s because it helps. It helps to make place for clearer thoughts and take comfort in empathy. We are greatly blessed in a whole lot of ways and yet sadness trickles in, in some small ways. But these small things are very significant in our life which when go wrong create a sort of void vacuum.  The first way forward for any human interface is communication, but when the conversations become perfunctory and caring becomes a formality, hollowness comes crawling into your soul. However, before this emptiness engulfs you irreparably it is time to reverse the situation.

In time, you realize that unhappiness is very exhausting and eventually you are so drained of it that you want to throw that drab lifelessness away. But since you realize that nobody is aware of your need for a new garb of joy, you turn very wise. . You stop depending on others for it. I read a very prudent statement by Javed Akhtar that unless two people are individually happy they cannot have a happy marriage in particular (or any other relationship in general). And honestly, I have concluded on one principle in life that though I may laugh and feel happy because of others, I will not give them the power to make me sad. I may miss a mark or two in living upto someone’s standards or expectations, but that doesn’t necessarily make me bad or incompetent.  Self loathing doesn’t improve things, it only worsens.

We are essentially alone in this world but it is boring and hence we look for company. Once we are accustomed to a particular company, the idea of being alone is terrifying. And this fear or insecurity makes us vulnerable. I don’t know if this vulnerability is helpful or otherwise because in one way it sustains the relationship for longer, gives it more time and opportunity to renew and replenish. Personal happiness is individual responsibility and once accomplished undoubtedly gives you that extra energy to transform the cringing loneliness into compassionate company. Because the bottom line is that it does feel really really good to know that you are cared for.

"WONDER"LUST

Whoever made this world, this whole creation from the mountains to the oceans, from the grasslands to the deserts, the entire flora and fauna and everything in between, is a wizard beyond my linguistic and mental faculties can fathom. This wizard also created man and gave him stupendous wizardry to create, discover and invent the most magnificent of things but he didn’t give it all. He still has some mysterious and miraculous alchemy exclusive to himself, probably as a gentle reminder, always to remember who the boss is.

Nature is majestic, wonderful and beautiful is no new statement here but the fact that it incessantly awes and inspires you is incredible. The deeper you look into it, richer are the marvels unravelling in front of your eyes. I witnessed some of the most breathtaking spectacles of Nature on my last trip. It literally took my breath away.

 Cruising in the Abatan River, beneath the velvety skies of Bohol, I wasn’t really expecting one of the most enchanting sights of my life.  Like all, I had also seen some random fireflies glowing in the gardens and hill stations earlier. But witnessing thousands of them on a single mangrove plantation, flickering like an unending series of rice lights just blew me away. It is like watching a thousand stars descended on a tree and twinkling in sheer exquisite beauty. It’s simply magical.

Delving into the functioning of its tiny body only intrigues you more. As the fly takes in oxygen, it reacts with the chemicals in its body and makes it glow like an ember. Mostly, they glow to attract mates. How aesthetically romantic! Those illuminated trees in the dark stillness of the Mangroves were mesmerizing to say the least.

The next in line were the dancing dolphins, as we sailed with the rising sun into the Bohol Sea. It was of course a Dolphin Watching Tour where the sightings are guaranteed during that time of the year. We were anticipating them eagerly, and the moment you see them appear and dive in the open sea exhilarates you to no end. God, they are so charming in their movements. Schools of them just emerge from below the water and sway perfectly in synchronisation with the waves, tossing and spinning for that extra delight.  We watched them jive for a good 45 minutes all around the boat and it just filled me with wonder and admiration for the Creator.

But the world that lay ahead and below me, truly and simply captivated all my senses. I have snorkelled a couple of times before and each time the underwater world is fascinating. But the reefs and the marine life around the Pamilacan Island were breathtaking! I have never seen something so marvellous, exotic and exquisite in my life. It could possibly be one of the best reefs in the world. Snorkelling after a really long time, I was quite apprehensive to take that first plunge into the water but one glimpse of that magical world and you just crave for more.

The vibrancy of the underwater world is surreal.  The immense variety of fishes with their infinite possibilities of colours, patterns, shapes and their inimitable grace just numbed me with glory. The sheen in their scales, the finesse of their fins and agility of their tails is so harmonious. And they have some of the most astonishing body features. Next the coral gardens just took me by the most gorgeous surprise. Precious corals in beautiful hues either swayed nimbly or rested calmly in the pristine waters. Add to this panorama, some dramatic landscape of sudden deep valleys and gorges and raised plateaus below the sea. No matter what I write, I cannot reproduce the beauty of that experience in words. It is definitely to be felt.

I wonder can there be a better designer, architect or engineer than the one who made this world? Categorically no, humans can never even come close to the vast fabric of imagination and perfection spread over this creation. Man has accomplished phenomenal progress in all, from technology to infrastructure, from art to architecture, from education to entertainment, yet its brilliance fades away like mist in comparison to its natural counterparts.  Nature is like a bottomless treasure trove, where you keep digging and it keeps getting amazing. What I saw is just a fraction of the cosmic and ravishing creation waiting to enthrall us.

Observing and experiencing this magical mystery, I felt humbled and grateful to be a part of it and at the same time felt proud to be witnessing it.  It felt like an epiphany where the paradox of my existence came clearly to me. In the lofty scheme of this grand world, I am an irrelevant, nonentity inhabiting one corner of it and yet in all its irrelevance I am a unique being, a unique soul who has its own perception and perspective of the world that can affect and change it. How remarkably astounding it is that every single organism has a role in the running of this enormous Creation. He is one hell of a crackerjack magician sitting up there!

FROM BEING A DAUGHTER, TO A DAUGHTER’S MOTHER...

Of the myriad roles that a woman plays in her life, a daughter’s part is the most cherished of all. A beautiful little being who mollycoddles in the cocoon of warmth, mischief and tender love. Her girlish charm enchants from the moment she first holds the comb to her hair in dainty innocence. And her adorable antics and theatrics enliven the quietest walls. She is her mother’s pride and her father’s delight.

I never felt extraordinary about being a daughter myself. But becoming a mother of a daughter, it gives me a very different sentiment. The most sensitive part of a daughter’s life is leaving behind her home of carefree joy, a place she thinks she owns and where she spins from trivial to lofty dreams. But one auspicious morning she is out of there, making a new one for her.  How ironic it is that in the passing of a few hours, “my home” becomes “my parents’ home”, “Saboo” became “Mimani” and “Jamnagar 361008” got replaced by “Chennai 600010”.  She is now on the way to accepting a strange new place as her very own. And it’s amazing that mostly she succeeds.

But despite her brilliant success, there is a subtle yet strong bond that stays in her heart forever. No matter how many years she might be married and how old she might turn, the joy of visiting her parents’ home is undiminished and unchangeable. No adventure, no luxury and no exotic destination in the world can replace that simple classic joy of being under the shade of that home. Years after leaving that home, every departure from its threshold is solemnly marked by a stream of tears trickling down my eyes and my family’s. The heart still feels heavy and anxious on the last day of every visit. 

I have a little daughter, whom the entire family adores. Her naughty gurgling laughter is infectious and she knows it too well, using it to her best advantage. She is such a happy (may I also add hyper) soul that her twinkling eyes, dancing feet and bouncing hair all just invite you to cuddle her tight. In these moments of brimming affection, I hug her so close that she can’t escape. On the few occasions that we leave our kids behind at home, the first thing I want to do after returning is see them. Oh I love to be out without them, but home is somehow always about them.

Lately, I had a thought which is terribly early to bother me since my daughter is only 1.5 years, I shared it with my husband nevertheless.  I asked him how do you think will we hand over our most precious possession to somebody else one fine day? Would we be able to see her go, entrust her in somebody else’s care and not fret about her comfort and happiness? How would it be that while my home will lament in her silence, she would be cajoling someplace else?

It’s never easy for any parent ever to be away from their children be it a son or a daughter. However, there is a marked difference between the two being away. Though a son is miles away from you and your heart just overflows with emotions every time he visits and leaves you, deep down you still know that he belongs to you and his home is the same as yours. But when a daughter is married and gone, a precious part of you is taken away forever. For now, she doesn’t belong to you, she belongs to her partner, and her family is not you but another one. Her joys are with them and so are her responsibilities. She is not so much your beloved child as somebody’s wife and daughter-in-law.

I wonder how all the parents give away their daughters so ceremoniously and in splendor to another man. What gives them the courage to part from that little girl whose every wish was theirs to fulfill? Well, it could be only one; they know that their little girl is now grown up whose dreams include a prince and her own palace. And it’s time to rejoice in seeing them fulfilled and bless her with every happiness known. May all the daughters in this world live a beautiful and dignified life for they are the treasured gifts of God bestowed upon lucky parents.  

Seeing Through the Eyes of a Naturalist

What happens to you on a holiday when your husband is an early riser, a birder and nature lover? I shall reveal it to you because my husband is one. On most holiday mornings, I find myself stranded in a hotel room with our kids while my husband is enjoying the peace of the dawn in the background of chirping birds. To worsen my situation, their body alarms set off the moment I step into the bathroom. So that I hear one is crying on the bed and the other one pounding the bathroom door. This sort of cacophony on holiday mornings does leave me peevish and cranky. I don’t resent his having a good time but I certainly mind being stranded alone.

Well, this is the only downside of being married to a naturalist. And comparing it to the up sides, it is quite worth it. To begin with, I get to go to places unheard of by most people, be it picnic spots, day trips or weekend getaways. And while in that place, I get a chance to do and see very special and uncommon things. So was also the case in our recent trip to Kotagiri. A quaint little hill town, perched in the shadows of its popular siblings Ooty and Coonoor. But it enjoys its solemn solitude in the wild company of bison, bears and leopards. Kotagiri is beautiful. Despite my hollering kids, the mornings here felt so nourishing with its fresh tea estates, sanguine climate and cottony misty sky. The best part about this holiday was having no agenda or scheduled itineraries to follow.  Nevertheless, we had some very exciting and adventurous excursions.

The day of our arrival was quite uneventful or probably just relaxed with a pleasant stroll around the serpentine paths along the tea estates and then sipping hot masala chai in the gelid air. But my husband had made plans for the night. A night safari across the hill town to sight some crossing deer, bears or even leopards! Frankly, I did not give it much thought because the prospect of sighting animals in the wild though very thrilling doesn't seem very promising to me. However, we went ahead with the plan soon after dinner. One of my husband’s old acquaintances accompanied us on the safari as a local naturalist cum guide. What followed next was the most unexpected drive of my life.                  

Out of the village limits and into the unknown we drove. There was no sign of light or life except for the inkling and hope of wild beasts crossing our path. In this eerie darkness we stopped the car, turned off the engine and headlight and sat still. After a couple of minutes the guide flashed his torch to detect any animal movement. But of course you don’t get lucky just so soon.

So we drove ahead and entered the Curzon rainforest. A deep, dense and absolutely dark forest, with high potential of animal sightings. My heart was pounding with fear and excitement. I was wondering if our car broke down here in the middle of nowhere, which animal would look out for us. But the thought of catching a bear in action allayed all fears. Sadly, all bears seemed huddled inside that night and only a Black-naped Hare dashed across. We crossed the jungle with bated anticipation but nothing emerged.

We went further down the valley and tea estates to Keel Kotagiri, bumping high and low over dirt tracks and navigating baleful spiral bends. My husband confesses that it was one of the most arduous driving experiences of his life in pitch darkness. After 3 ½ hours of manoeuvring the car we were a tad disappointed for having sighted just some hares, wild boars and a lone porcupine. Yet, trust me; the whole experience of that night, of letting ourselves into the strange sinister paths and woods was exhilarating and thrilling to the core. This is the real upside and privilege of being a naturalist’s wife. Most people aren't even aware of such exciting opportunities.

The next morning was an overcast sky with a slight drizzle coming down through the gauze of mist. This forced my husband to abort his birding session. And so we soaked in the damp chilly breeze of the hills but with a pinch of salt. It seemed our plan to trek inside the Longwood Shola Reserve might as well be cancelled. But thankfully the sky cleared itself in some time and we continued with our plan. After some persistence, we obtained the permission from the forest department to enter the shola forest. Visitors are allowed with only an accompanying forest guard.

A few meters inside it and I was awed by the raw beauty of it. This is the closest that I have walked in a real rainforest. Damp, thick foliage carpeted the undulating narrow path. Smell of the soggy trees filled the still yet fresh air and an unusual quietness pervaded its dense surroundings. The forest is a haven for bird life especially the endemic Nilgiri species which are beautifully colourful but the passing showers sent them into hiding. Nevertheless, my little boy was overjoyed to spot the frolicking Malabar giant squirrels over the tree tops. Same time a leech clung on my husband’s leg and only after sprinkling enough salt over it, it curled and fell off. Blood sucking leeches are very common in rainforests especially after rains.

 Longwood Shola looked enchanting with its fallen logs, mossy streams and gentle valleys. And chances of a bear or leopard though rare were looming. This was another highlight of our trip and thanks to my husband for introducing us to such amazing aspects of nature which not many people get a chance to enjoy and appreciate.

Apart from this, we did the usual things, driving around the hill countryside, halting at beautiful meadows for our toddler girl to play around for she was so fascinated with the grazing cows. And of course we relaxed a lot or rather tried to whenever the kids gave an opportunity! It was a splendid family holiday where I also realized that the wonders of nature that opened before me and my kids eyes were the gift of a nature loving husband and father. 

MEMOIR OF A HOME COOK - Super Chef Chennai 2015

This is not an article, it is a memoir. A memoir of emotions never felt before. And the surge of these emotions was so overwhelming that I wish to treasure them locked between my sentences. My participation in Super Chef Chennai 2015 was quite fortuitous and initially guided only by the reason of some good fun. Winning or even coming close to winning it was not the agenda. Till a few years ago, I wouldn't have even imagined developing any sort of culinary interest to say the least. So gaining any skill in it was beyond my realm of thought and question.

But surprisingly it turned out differently. I have an absolute food lover and enthusiast for a husband on the dining table and an extremely talented, skilled and patient chef for a mom-in-law in the kitchen. So I guess down the years, the joy of cooking just percolated slowly within me. Also this amazing renaissance of food culture all around the world with multiple channels and shows on food is a harbinger of sensuality to the homemaker’s kitchen.

So there I was, zeroing on the perfect dish for the preliminary round of the Super chef Chennai. A lot of tweaking, tasting, and re-tasting went around till I achieved a satisfactory balance of flavours and complexity with my dish ‘Palato di Pita”. Next came the plating of it. And trust me; mummy (my mom-in-law) was so much keener to get everything right for me than I was. She took me around scurrying shops till we got the perfect cutlery, the right lettuce, the flower holder and every small detail attended to. That kind of warm encouragement and support goes a long way in winning competitions.

Next morning I left for the pre-cooked preliminary round brimming with sunny energy and my packed basket towing along. But to confess, I was very jittery once they led us to our table for plating. We had fifteen minutes to plate up and I had a lot to do in that time from tossing my salad, to stuffing my pitas, arranging the chips and placing everything impeccably on the table. Thank God, I finished it in the nick of time. And as I stepped back from the table, I was honestly pleased with what I saw, my plate did look attractive. 

However, when I came out and took a seat, I was choking with unknown emotions. I had never ever felt emotional about my food but that day for the first time I naturally connected to it from my heart. Chef Vicky Ratnani later remarked that chefs’ cook because they have to. It is their profession and bread and butter. But home cooks cook for the love and joy of it. And I felt strangely glorious to try and put up some beautiful food.

An hour had passed, the judging of some 80 odd dishes was done and the list of the twelve finalists made. It was time to announce them. I was hoping against hope to be in that list. First name called out, second name, third name, fourth name, fifth name, sixth name... and I thought they only have six more to go. My heart was beating fast. Seventh name gone, eighth name gone, I was super anxious by now. Ninth name called, I was despairing, there were only three more to go. Tenth name called and it said, “Palato di Pita” by Radhika Mimani. Whoopi! My heart jumped out of its place. This was incredible; I really made it to the top twelve.

Though I had initially wanted to participate only for fun, the night before the prelim round I told my husband, “I really want to be in the top twelve tomorrow. It means more than fun to me now.” And so I called up my husband and mom-in-law to share my excited exuberance.

Now came the thrilling morning. I had knots in my stomach, really the kind you have before exams. I was very nervous. Cooking at home in the privacy and comfort of your kitchen is one thing but a live cook off in front of professional and exemplary chefs is a different story altogether. Add to it the spice of a surprise challenge. We didn't have the faintest idea of what to expect. The mystery finally resolved itself at 8 a.m., when a senior chef briefed us about the rules. We had 15 minutes to acquaint ourselves with the pantry. Upon which we had just an hour to put up two dishes, one savory and one dessert using two core ingredients chosen by our luck. This was certainly a tough call for us amateurs.

My mind was whirring with morsels of idea but no whole dish.  And the criterion of creativity, complexity, taste and plating were weighing upon me against the crunch of time. At 8.30 I picked up a chit, opened it and stared dumbfounded at the most unusual combination of ingredients ever. Paneer and Lauki (bottle gourd). Lauki!! What exotic dish can possibly come out of it? Ironically, desserts are my weakest point but that day lauki halwa was my promptest choice. However, what would add some depth to that halwa, I still had to figure out. I rushed to the pantry, grabbing things, running back and forth. And in that commotion, things became clearer.

I was tensed as hell before the bell set off but once I started cooking there was no distraction. I was oblivious of what tantalizing food my competitors were making or if mine would be presentable or appreciated by the judges. It was one of the most electrifying moments of my life, cooking under pressure. And I savoured every moment of it. I loved it so much that the rest didn't matter. Sixty minutes of stimulating work and two dishes up. I was startled with myself. For savory, I came up with pan seared Lauki Roulades with smoked paneer stuffing. But Lauki Halwa couldn't go out on the plate alone. So there went a French crepe and fig compote with it.

As we took seats in front of the judges after placing our dishes, I felt ecstatic. I have followed the seasons of MasterChef Australia with sheer delight but when some contestants would break down or get emotional after a cook off, I found it mushy and absurd and never understood it. But today, when I sat there with moisture glistening my eyes, I related to their very sentiment. It is one of the most profound senses of satisfaction, accomplishment and joy that inundate you. I texted my husband with these exact words, “I don’t know if I will win or not. But I did push my boundaries today and I sort of feel proud of myself.”

And yes in that moment of awe, I couldn't help but feel grateful to some very important people in my life. My mom who taught me to work in the kitchen, my mom-in-law who taught me to create in the kitchen and my husband who inspires me to take measured and flavoured risks in the kitchen. It was a very humble and melancholic moment. Also, this memoir would be incomplete without my sincerest thanks to our mentors and staff at The Park who assisted us most kindly during the cook off. Well, past my emotional currents, it was my turn to take the dishes up to the judges for tasting. And what a privilege and pleasure I felt to stand in front of celebrity judges like Chef Vicky Ratnani, Sanjay Thumma and Rajesh Radhakrishnan and make them taste my food. It was another high.

Finally, after an hour of tasting and deliberating they came up with the three names that impressed them most. And guess what, Lauki Halwa and Lauki Roulades made it to the top three. Announced as the Second Runner up of Super Chef Chennai felt amazingly great, a confidence booster but the joy of that cooking experience is honestly exclusive of winning or losing. What started as fun turned out to be an emotionally enriching and accomplishing culinary experience. And yes, in the larger perspective this win might be miniscule but on a personal front it surely means a lot. 

WALKING THE GREY SHADES OF COUPLEHOOD

Relationship... so much has been said about it and yet so much remains unsaid. A relationship between a man and woman in every society, culture and class is complex, wrought with contradictions and yet they come together to celebrate it in various avatars as lovers, companions, partners or spouses.

Times have changed and thoughts have changed where the sanctity of marriage only seems to be a looming banality. Already, the concept of live-in relationships is gaining ground which makes it considerably hassle free to move in and out of people’s lives and houses. But what happens to people like us who are committed with the seven sacred vows of marriage? Are we free to juggle partners or open to have a fling or two while not being seen as blasphemous morons? Well, it might be so.

 Traditionally, honesty and fidelity have been the cornerstones of a sound married life. However, I feel, with time the notions of fidelity have metamorphosed for our generation. As we speak and I write as a mature adult, we are now more open to discuss our stand on the ingress of a third individual in the space of two whether that invasion is emotional or physical. And though we might zealously debate on the validity of each stand, nobody has the right to judge it. Because really nobody is right or wrong, we are just committed to our belief system and opinions which differ drastically from person to person. 

We might not admit it but deep down we all know that in this day and time no relationship exists in the realm of black and white. They all flow along in the shades of grey. Some tide towards the darker side while others inch towards the white. No matter how long, happily and passionately married we are, attention from the opposite sex still flatters us. Some harmless flirting still excites us. And seldom but surely memories of that old sweet heart still spring up from past pockets.These feelings are natural and most new age partners sort of accommodate it as long as it is not your routine and don’t threaten the equilibrium of your present relationship. So far I would say we are faring in the white matter.

But what happens next and how partners perceive and accept it is of real interest. In a heated discussion on it, my male counterparts who are long and happily married were surprisingly quite distinct about emotional and physical intimacy outside marriage. Of what I figured out, they weren't keen and wouldn't establish an emotional relation with another person, but a one off physical relationship that consummates in the heat and spur of the moment is not so wrong. After all the body has its own rhythm and pulses. Predictably, my female counterparts didn't uphold this viewpoint with much fervor. However, since my sample size was small, I shall not generalize the male and female viewpoints here. Though how every partner deals with such a queasy situation is their own prerogative (of course if the indulging partner is honest enough to confess it in the first place). Some may be understanding and forgiving, others may not be.

Now coming to the other aspect of it, the platonic emotional intimacy outside the marriage. Here you are looking for a heart to heart connect but keep it at that, no freebies attached.  Now when a wife has a heart to heart talk with her girl friend it is pretty fine and the vice versa also holds good. But when a partner although without any physical aspirations, still connects emotionally to somebody else of the opposite sex sharing their joys, concerns, victories and stresses, the parameters of understanding and acceptance are very complicated and different. The rationale and need for such liaisons may be varied but to some such emotional infidelity may be graver and more hurtful than the physical breach of a relationship. Though, I doubt if such an arrangement really exists because any emotional warming up invariably and inevitably leads to romantic drizzles.  

But the final blow is when your partner is sharing both physical and emotional space with somebody else behind your back while you are rejoicing in your naivety and ignorance. Such an act of hypocrisy, cheating and infidelity is grossly intolerable and immensely painful. In my candid opinion, no partner should take an iota of this crap and nonsense. It is simple, if you are so much in love with another person, just confide in to your partner and let each other free of a meaningless sham of togetherness. Now of course this is easier said than done, because when families and children are involved in a marriage and relationship, things aren't that clear and straightforward after all. 

  

So what’s the deduction of our pragmatic discussion? Well, I guess we have definitely come of age where we talk so frankly and express our opinions so upfront. In our fast paced lives commitments are sort of casual, career fevers run high and sensory pleasures are much sought after and easily gratified.  Hence, indulgence and intimacy outside the marriage is no longer sacrilegious to us. More so, the uncanny nature of life sometimes makes us do things we never dreamt of or approved of.

The dynamics between every couple are very different and each is walking in some degree and shade of grey, so it is only fair that we discuss and debate but not judge another’s love triangle.  

A Birding Touch at the Rann of Kutch

The beauty of Nature comes alive on paper in a bevy of words that capture and convey its myriad shades, moods and landscapes. However, sometimes descriptions aren't rich but the experience is. It was a vast, parched and cracked earth yawning in the wintry sun, its hollow and thorny bushes were craning up lazily and some ravenous falcons were lurking for their prey. Then an open jeep entered, with us mortals and hulking camera lens hungry to capture the entire wilderness. Well, this is the wild song of Nature at the Bajana Wild Ass Sanctuary in the Little Rann of Kutch. 

I am the type who admires the serenity of nature in relaxed body and mind tones. So when my husband, an ardent birder and nature lover, fancied going to the Rann of Kutch to revel in the migratory season of birds, I wasn't exactly thrilled. This enjoyment of nature demands both patience and alertness in good and equal measure. But in hindsight, I am so glad to have acquiesced. Driving from Jamnagar to Bajana, we alighted at our destination in about 4 hours. What a boisterous drive it was with four couples and six kids! Our accommodation at the Royal Safari Camp was quite comfortable.

Having settled and rested, we set off for our first safari at 3.30 p.m. A few of us had been introduced to the art of bird watching by my husband but some in the group were first timers. I was rather apprehensive of how all of us, apart from my husband of course, would go through this four hour safari in the desert. But as we started and entered the Bajana Wild Ass Sanctuary my doubts began to rest.

Eurasian Sparrowhawk

The thrill of furious winds slapping your face in an open safari is unbeatable. Our first major sighting of the safari was the migratory Common Crane, an elegant white and black bird which arrives from the Northern parts of Europe and Asia. The beauty of birds comes to life ten folds when looked through the binoculars into their minute details. As we got into the birding mode, somebody spotted a Common Kestrel while someone else looked straight into the eyes of the Eurasian Sparrowhawk. The whizzing shutter of the camera captured the finest features of this winged beauty. Its bright yellow piercing gaze was wowing us all.

Indian Wild Ass

Going cross country in that rustic jeep bumping all the way and the wind hissing in the languid sun was rather exciting and this excitement climbed notches when we spotted a whole herd of Indian wild asses grazing in the sparse bushes of the desert. Yup, the Little Rann of Kutch is the only place in the world to sight these endangered species. And to speak colloquially, these asses are a very cute species. A combination of white and tawny coloured patches on the body and a coat of short chestnut coloured hair on the neck make them quite distinct from the donkeys.

Flamingoes in flight

Time was ticking quickly in our zesty adventure and it was near sunset. The jeep now took us to another breathtaking spectacle of nature. The setting sun was orange in its crimson- indigo backdrop and below it in waves of pink were thousands of flamingos lifting and landing rhythmically in the salt pans. Just watching the graceful movements of these birds can soothe all frayed nerves. In their pink and black leotards, it’s like a ballet in the air. And their curvaceous body and never ending legs would put all the supermodels to shame.

The safari had been very fruitful so far and we just longed to sight some lone fox or hyena for a hook line and sinker finish. But the desert wind had now turned nastily cold. And we huddled against each other with teeth chattering and palms rubbing hard. The dark and frigid desert had mellowed our spirits somewhat when we chanced a leaping shadow ahead of our jeep. The thrill returned suddenly. Guided by the headlights alone we chased the sprinting figure through the bushes but it hid itself too quickly for us. The guide guessed it was a hyena based on its profile. What a remarkable safari and start to our two day wild retreat!

Marsh Harrier at Nava Talaab

 The second morning, the lesser enthusiasts like me chose to burrow in the blanket while the motivated ones left to explore the other parts of Bajana like Nava Talaab and Odu. And their four hours of patience and humble sacrifice of sleep paid them well when they sighted the Short- eared Owl and eventually spotted the rare Macqueen’s Bustard, a globally threatened bird species. What you and I would probably feel at spotting Johny Depp or Catherine Zeta Jones is how my husband feels about sighting the Macqueen’s Bustard. To me such excitement seems madly misplaced but that’s the love affair between the birders and their birds.

Short-eared Owl

However, let me confess that the essential fun of such safaris or trips is in the company of passionate and knowledgeable guides or co-passengers. Otherwise it is not much different than a long drive in an unusual terrain and vehicle. The same evening we went on another safari and this time a sizable herd of Nilgai was waiting for us. Poor fellows were strolling idly till they saw us approaching then started jogging like in a marathon. We were also lucky to have sighted some big beautiful eagles like the Imperial Eagle, Steppe Eagle and the Indian Spotted Eagle. You can’t help but admire that glint of superiority and savageness in the eyes of these birds of prey.

Peregrine Falcon

Striped Hyena

As we retired for the day, it was New Year’s Eve. And while partying in the remoteness of Bajana under the moon’s wintry chill we made a resolution to plan more such trips and explore the wild side of Nature and its rustic beauty. On that note, a toast to the Little Rann of Kutch.