Oh well, let me tell you this
write up will have a lot of you interested, or so is my guess, because it has
all the key words like marriage, relationship, companions, etc, which attracts
a lot of non-readers too. Shortly, I went on a purely shopping trip, courtesy
my younger brother’s forthcoming wedding. And I thoroughly enjoyed the Kolkata
shopping extravaganza with indulgent dollops of lip-smacking street-food. However,
the pre-wedding processes have me thinking about post-marriage lives.
Needless to say, that my younger
brother’s wedding totally excites me as a sister and the fact that it’s really
the first love marriage in my immediate family, makes it a tad more
interesting. Getting married for love, I totally love the idea. Yeah, it might
sound anachronistic where marriage is definitely losing its ground conceptually
and really to more convenient and practical arrangements. But I still don’t
think it’s such an outmoded or anti-climax concept, even after considering
everything that happens after a few years of happily married life. And though I
am no authority on any subject, I know enough because I have been married for a
long time now.
What I personally think or feel
is irrelevant and I aren’t talking about specifics here. Let’s talk about the generic
trends of our times. A very vital fact is that no marriage or relationship by
far can retain the same amount of excitement and wonderfulness of the initial
years. The novelty of it is bound to wane. As the years pass by, the monotony
of it catches up, rather becomes routine. Then arise situations of non-spousal attractions,
distractions and fidelity. The perception of fidelity is very open to
subjective and to an extent gender biased interpretations, so there’s no point
commenting on what is right or wrong or acceptable. It’s just sensible to accept
that questions about it do come up and people are dealing with it in their own
ways. However, it’s quite interesting to note that such flirtatious straying
or coquettish attractions (not talking of full blown parallel affairs here) don’t happen because
couples are unhappily married or have incompatible partners. It happens to a
great number of happily married and content people.
So then why does it happen? Because
we are fickle humans and new things attract us, excite us, gratify us but old
things comfort us. People share great companionship, sensual intimacy, loud
laughters and a solid support system with their spouses but after good many
years that bit of tingling attention, zesty freshness and tantalizing spiciness
comes from another face. It’s reflective in our daily demeanour. You want to
have your best hair day, look your sexiest self and be your charming best when
out on those first few dates with anyone including your spouse. However, years
later with that same person, you don’t even care to comb out your hair, don’t
mind looking somewhat flabbier or mangy, worry about being your crankiest worst
or scream your opinions out without being judged. Well, some might say that that
happens out of disinterest in your partner or taking them for granted over the
years. But I think an aged marriage or relationship rather gives you the amazing
freedom to really be yourself, to be uninhibited in your expression without
consequences, to be in that comfort zone where hair and attires don’t matter
anymore and you live assured that those daily tiffs will resolve out naturally.
At the same time, you still want
to look impressive and be your dapper best when in the company of others you
are physically or mentally attracted to especially if its mutual. The new
attention, the new distraction, the new connect, the new compliments, are all
too provoking and enticing. You want to keep foot tapping on that risqué rhapsody,
somewhat straying at the corners and knotting-in in the glimmering gossamer fabric
of pleasure. While, hoping and believing that your core and old comfort and
support zone remains intact and unaltered. Basically, you want the best of both
worlds. Who doesn’t? Some do succeed; others might not be that lucky. Now,
whether or not it is acceptable, fair, right, wrong, inappropriate or hurtful
is another debatable and controversial topic, which I would refrain from here
because my personal views are immaterial. What is important is that we are
talking about it, acknowledging it and understanding that it happens across
societies. However, something happening widely doesn’t necessarily legitimize
itself. It probably only comforts you that you aren’t alone in this grey shaded
pleasure phenomenon trending upwards.
Coming back to my brother’s
wedding, it is the most anticipated moment for them right now as was for most
of us back then and will be for others in the future. And it should be so in
all rightness. What happens or doesn’t happen in the post wedding era should
have absolutely no bearing on that beautiful moment when you decide to immerse
and share yourself physically, mentally and emotionally in all honesty with the
one you feel makes you whole.
A dozen married years later I know
it all exists – the beauty of love, the joy of marriage and the flutter of those
veiled attractions.
