Post valentine seemed like a good
time to mull over some love issues though I worry that putting it across on a
public domain might stir up a hornet’s nest. Nevertheless, with all my
sincerity I am asking it upfront, “Is it possible to be in love with two people
at the same time”? I assume a very instinctive, strong and divided opinion base
has already quelled up amongst the readers in this very instant of reading the
question.
At the outset, let me be clear about
it, it isn’t talking about double dating, flings or some such frivolous stuff because
you can most definitely be enjoying multiple dating fun depending on your wooing
skills. What we are talking about is having some honest, genuine and sincere
feelings for more than one person at the same time, and it of course includes
the romantic angle. People in a committed relationship and bound by it may not
necessarily be happy in it. So they naturally tend to look for companionship
elsewhere or are attracted to another who might fulfill that lacking in their
lives. However, the question here is that you might be completely satisfied and
happy in one relationship, but have genuine feelings for someone else as well.
And that someone could be somebody from your past or somebody you met later.
It’s not criminal or scandalous
or unthinkable to love more than one person. It is a natural occurrence which
gets pushed more so by human infallibility. Not that I am endorsing multiple
love relationships or consider them sacred, all I am putting forward is that the idea or
the act of loving more than one person is not so blasphemous or far-fetched
after all. It is arguable that if you are already in love and happy with one
person, why would you or how can you love another. Well, love is a very nuanced
emotion and you might feel very distinct love for the two people which doesn’t
overlap or hinder one another. It would rather be wrong to compare the two or
weigh them against any scale.
I wouldn’t say very
simplistically that love just happens. It happens because you feel a “connect”
with the other, a vibe which is more than pleasant, rather euphoric, and you
are drawn to them for no particular reason or many reasons. And this “connect”
might happen at the first sight or after knowing them for a while. There is no
law whether natural or man-made which forbids a person to love another while
still in love with the first one. In fact it would be the most unnatural or
hypocritical thing to deny it.
Whether or not you can love two
people simultaneously is merely a question, the real quagmire is what do you do
of that double love filled in your heart? In monogamous societies, we are of
course by law precluded from having multiple legal partners. So the question of
legalizing it is redundant. But what matters is the choice you make and the stand
you take on a personal level. Feeling love for someone, having expressed it and
being reciprocated for it takes you to a sublime state, which you wouldn’t want
to snap out of ever. However, because you love and care for both sincerely,
your euphoria is marred by a sense of guilt. This guilt is not about loving
another but for hurting the first and usually the lawful partner. You may not
have established any physical or tangible relationship with the other, but even
an emotional or mental connect can be as disturbing and difficult for the first
partner to accept.
As liberal minded and accepting
we might believe ourselves to be, and expect or hope that the other might also
understand and look at things the same way, it doesn’t work. Despite the fact
that your newer feelings have been purely accidental or instinctive, haven’t
changed the dynamics or equation of your existing relationship in the
slightest, and that you only enjoy and cherish the other person without
restructuring anything in your life, it will but cause stinging pain to your
first partner.
The reasons are simple and all too
human. It feels like they are being replaced, like they aren’t enough anymore
and somebody is invading their personal territory. There might be traces of ego
giving rise to that pain, but it is more like losing their beautiful intimacy and
precious something to someone else. Today you might be in love with two people,
but tomorrow if roles reverse and you become one of the two lovers in your
partner’s life, trust me it will hurt you as much. Your open mindedness, your
own experience of doing it, your attempt to be accepting, nothing will help
from not feeling that stab of your space suddenly being slit and shared. You
might rationally understand your partner’s perspective, which will make it
easier to let go eventually but nothing prepares you from not feeling the
crushing of your heart. However, such experiences don’t necessarily apart the
couples or partners forever. We are greatly vulnerable humans both physically
and emotionally but accepting and understanding those vulnerabilities can draw
us closer and stronger.
Human that we are, we feel by
instinct and human that we are, we act by deliberation. Human that we are, we
may love simply, but human that we are, we live complexly. Human that we are,
we can love two, but human that we are, we might have to make choices. Human
that we are, we raise questions, and human that we are, we tend to judge the
answers. I will not comment on any answer to my question, all I feel is that if
one love hurts the other for its place or survival, the joy in it will soon begin
to perish anyway. And love without that seamless joy only remains a barren word
whether it’s for one or both.
