How would you define an individual? A sum total of positive
and negative attributes collectively called as an individual's character. However, as not so
evolved human beings we are prone to notice and comment on anybody’s negative
traits at first instance. We judge, complain and criticize at every opportunity.
All men have good and bad qualities in differing ratios. The
ones with higher goodness are naturally more likable, lovable and memorable.
But an interesting fact about our behavior is that while a person is living and
around us we never happen to appreciate his goodness or his positivity. No
matter how slight or dormant his negative side may be, we invariably carp and
gossip about it. The imperfections are always magnified in our eyes. We are
unable to perceive him beyond our filters.
But when that same person lives no more, his kindness
surrounds us no more, we suddenly notice, discuss and appreciate his god-like
qualities in all measures. It especially happens in families with family
members. When the family comes together
at any occasion they remember the departed soul in his entire divine avatar.
So I just wondered why do we behave in this particular way.
Why are we so stingy in somebody’s admiration in front of him? What restrains
us from being vocal about another’s virtues while he is with us? Because it is
funny that his absence should suddenly invoke knowledge of his goodness within
us.
One reason is that sometimes we don’t realize the value and
importance of people and things till they are taken away from us. Every good
person or thing is taken for granted until that goodness ceases to abound
us. But this is only one fact and reason
for the way we behave.
The other truer fact is that we are scared to appreciate
somebody. It sounds mistaken but delve a little bit into yourself and you will
realize how true it is. We are insecure and scared to acknowledge, accept and
compliment somebody’s merit because it makes us look small in our own eyes.
There is a hint of jealousy and insecurity within us and it is so subtle that
we may never even know about it. We are
afraid to face our own deficiencies and in defense choose to find and notice
the other’s deficiency as well. It
superficially comforts us.
However, when that same person is gone, all his goodness
comes to the forefront maybe because now there is no threat to our ego or
pressure to mould ourselves to his better ways. But even in relationships where there is no
scope of competition or comparison, we still hesitate to admire someone. This
strange behavior totally baffles me.
My grandfather was a
man who commanded respect of his family, friends, staff and almost the entire city
through his generosity, integrity, resourcefulness and his simplicity. But until he passed away, I as a
granddaughter never really acknowledged it or admired him; in fact got
irritated at his certain idiosyncrasy. And today when I sit with my family, I
so fondly remember all his virtues and feel proud of being his granddaughter.
In ten good things, we still pick up the one bad thing about
a person. How shallow of our thoughts. Coming to think, genuine appreciation
really enables a flow of beautiful positive energies between two souls. When
two spirits exchange joy between them, there is music of solace and dance of delight
permeating through our nerves. Only if our lives could be about accepting the good
and letting go of the bad, the days would be refreshingly pleasant.
